her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Of course I have a pirate flag
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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