I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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