those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
