hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
ttyl tear gas
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
