You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
