Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
