there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
