You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
