It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
