after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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