saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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