Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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