Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I didn't notice because vodka
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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