Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
