South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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