To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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