And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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