Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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