I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize