Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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