I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
