I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
