Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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