This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
