I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
