A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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