Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Oh god it's open bar.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
