Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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