Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
