Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
