ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize