I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
The maid of honor just puked.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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