i just wanna soil my oats bro
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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