Can i not drive my cunt home
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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