OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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