i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
