No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
