Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
