wat bout pragnant strippers??
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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