I think I won the penis lottery.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
