you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
