I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize