i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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