Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Randomize
