her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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