did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
