He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
