he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
