didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
