On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize