What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
