I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
