Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
