the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
