Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
