What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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