Dude my mom stole all your condoms
It was confusing and full of hummus
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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