Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
