I think my vagina is haunted
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
