There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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