There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
