Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
