I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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