In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
