I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
