i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
