I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Sober January is a disaster.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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