seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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