I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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