I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
