What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
